I don't do doctors. They are the bearers of bad news. They poke and prod and a lot of the times they just guess. I've gone to the emergency once before. Which was a big deal. I pretty much have to think the worst is happening. Last night was the first time since then. 1:30am, I finally got fed up and went in. The problem has been happening a lot lately, but I've ignored it. But last night when I tried to play my guitar, and couldn't, I decided that was it. I can handle numbness for the most part. But not being able to function properly to play something I've been re-inspired to do, I can't deal with that. Because then I also thought, what if it gets so bad I can't pick up a pencil and draw? That would be even worse yet. Being able to create art and music is a big deal to me, its part of who I am. I went to emergency, the doctor gave me a couple ideas of what he thinks it most likely is, and the worst case scenario to keep an eye out for. He figures I have cubital tunnel syndrome, which is a nerve compression problem behind the elbow. I've read up on the symptoms, and they are pretty bang on. If it persists, surgery is necessary to release pressure on the nerve. Normally I would say, no thank you. But this option is SO much better than his worse case scenario, which is MS (multiple sclerosis). Now, I am a HUGE worrier. So first thing I did this morning when I got home at 4am, I researched MS symptoms, I found out I have a lot of those too. But now that I have read about CTS, Im going to try and ignore that he even brought up MS. TRY. He also thought when he first read my chart that they were stroke symptoms, so glad he didn't make that an option too. Had that scare the last time I went in. Another reason I don't like doctors/hospitals, my face went numb, so I was taken to emerge in Bow Island, no doctors in town, so they gave me codeine and told me to sleep it off. Stroke/Bells Palsey symptoms and they don't check me out at all. I obviously didn't have either, but it still pisses me off that they can just write people off when they aren't even the doctor.
I've just kind of rambled, but Im tired. I just hope it goes away completely, because I really want to play my guitar.

For the first time today I made a real bid on something for a great cause. I bid on Terri Clark's Telecaster guitar, anniversary edition. An incredible piece as is, and one with musical history. I surprised myself at the numbers I was bidding at. I basically would have to sell my one car to pay it off. And I was more than willing. I lost out in the last 10 seconds, and even though I am beyond bummed out, it's still amazing to know that this bidding war we had going on was increasing the amount going to Cystic Fibrosis. I hope I have another opportunity at a chance to give to great causes and the chance to hold a piece thats inspriring with that kind of history.

Whoopi Goldberg is possibly putting her habit back on! In London! Not as the diva disguised as a nun though. Apparently she is in talks to play mother superios, the role Maggie Smith played in the films. I would love to see this on The West End. But I guess it is going to Broadway in the near future. Ive always wanted to see Lion King, and Wicked, Phantom, Chicago, and more recently The Addams Family, on Broadway. But Sister Act has been one of my all-time favorite films. I swear TBS used to run it 3 times a week, and I probably watched everyone of them. So I think I need to see it. I really dont think Whoopi will be coming to Broadway with it, but I think it still would be an awesome show to see.

I thank God everyday for the people in my life. Someone I know has tragically lost someone in their life this weekend. Its so sad, and my heart, thoughts, and prayers are going out to the family. Everything that happened reminds me so much about how we lost my grandpa. I always think about him, and I always miss him. But it is in times like this where I really think about what happened. I feel the pain of when I first found out all the way in my fingertips again. Its still so confusing to me, why these things have to happen the way they do to some of the greatest people. Its not fair. I could almost just lose myself when I think about it. But then Im reminded about those in my life that Im still making memories with, and sharing laughs and experiences with, friends and family. It makes me cherish this time even more, and hold on tight to those people that mean the most. I feel like Im just having a short ramble here. I usually just bottle what Im feeling up when it comes to this. I guess since this is just so close to that day Im more emotional and need to let some sort of feeling out.