I don't do doctors. They are the bearers of bad news. They poke and prod and a lot of the times they just guess. I've gone to the emergency once before. Which was a big deal. I pretty much have to think the worst is happening. Last night was the first time since then. 1:30am, I finally got fed up and went in. The problem has been happening a lot lately, but I've ignored it. But last night when I tried to play my guitar, and couldn't, I decided that was it. I can handle numbness for the most part. But not being able to function properly to play something I've been re-inspired to do, I can't deal with that. Because then I also thought, what if it gets so bad I can't pick up a pencil and draw? That would be even worse yet. Being able to create art and music is a big deal to me, its part of who I am. I went to emergency, the doctor gave me a couple ideas of what he thinks it most likely is, and the worst case scenario to keep an eye out for. He figures I have cubital tunnel syndrome, which is a nerve compression problem behind the elbow. I've read up on the symptoms, and they are pretty bang on. If it persists, surgery is necessary to release pressure on the nerve. Normally I would say, no thank you. But this option is SO much better than his worse case scenario, which is MS (multiple sclerosis). Now, I am a HUGE worrier. So first thing I did this morning when I got home at 4am, I researched MS symptoms, I found out I have a lot of those too. But now that I have read about CTS, Im going to try and ignore that he even brought up MS. TRY. He also thought when he first read my chart that they were stroke symptoms, so glad he didn't make that an option too. Had that scare the last time I went in. Another reason I don't like doctors/hospitals, my face went numb, so I was taken to emerge in Bow Island, no doctors in town, so they gave me codeine and told me to sleep it off. Stroke/Bells Palsey symptoms and they don't check me out at all. I obviously didn't have either, but it still pisses me off that they can just write people off when they aren't even the doctor.
I've just kind of rambled, but Im tired. I just hope it goes away completely, because I really want to play my guitar.

For the first time today I made a real bid on something for a great cause. I bid on Terri Clark's Telecaster guitar, anniversary edition. An incredible piece as is, and one with musical history. I surprised myself at the numbers I was bidding at. I basically would have to sell my one car to pay it off. And I was more than willing. I lost out in the last 10 seconds, and even though I am beyond bummed out, it's still amazing to know that this bidding war we had going on was increasing the amount going to Cystic Fibrosis. I hope I have another opportunity at a chance to give to great causes and the chance to hold a piece thats inspriring with that kind of history.

Whoopi Goldberg is possibly putting her habit back on! In London! Not as the diva disguised as a nun though. Apparently she is in talks to play mother superios, the role Maggie Smith played in the films. I would love to see this on The West End. But I guess it is going to Broadway in the near future. Ive always wanted to see Lion King, and Wicked, Phantom, Chicago, and more recently The Addams Family, on Broadway. But Sister Act has been one of my all-time favorite films. I swear TBS used to run it 3 times a week, and I probably watched everyone of them. So I think I need to see it. I really dont think Whoopi will be coming to Broadway with it, but I think it still would be an awesome show to see.

I thank God everyday for the people in my life. Someone I know has tragically lost someone in their life this weekend. Its so sad, and my heart, thoughts, and prayers are going out to the family. Everything that happened reminds me so much about how we lost my grandpa. I always think about him, and I always miss him. But it is in times like this where I really think about what happened. I feel the pain of when I first found out all the way in my fingertips again. Its still so confusing to me, why these things have to happen the way they do to some of the greatest people. Its not fair. I could almost just lose myself when I think about it. But then Im reminded about those in my life that Im still making memories with, and sharing laughs and experiences with, friends and family. It makes me cherish this time even more, and hold on tight to those people that mean the most. I feel like Im just having a short ramble here. I usually just bottle what Im feeling up when it comes to this. I guess since this is just so close to that day Im more emotional and need to let some sort of feeling out.

Time to Ponder

Ive been sitting around with my guitar a lot lately. Im finding that playing is a lot more relaxing than I remembered fro previous years. It clears my head from the work day. At the same time it also helps me think about other things. So Ive spend a lot of time pondering. Sometimes about nothing really. But lately it's been about what Im doing, or what Im not doing, rather. Last summer I did something just for me for the first time. And it was the greatest feeling I think Ive ever had. It was scary, but it was exciting, and turned out to be amazing. So now Im thinking I need that again. I know what I want to do, or at least Im pretty sure. It may only be for 2-4 months. But Im ok with that, its only the beginning. I will probably have to take out a good loan, and Im ok with that, or I think I am, Im not a fan of debt. The only thing Im nervous about is if I end up with a house, how do I get someone to live there and pay rent for only the 2-4 months Im gone. Hopefully I can work that out, if it comes to that. I guess the other thing that could be difficult is getting a leave from work. Which Ill just have to work my way around. Not that it will be easy.

So many things to ponder. Hoping Ill pick the right note, or strum the right chord, and I will find that Im ok with everything, and I can take this small, yet big for me, leap.

      Em                     D*    G       G*
    I want a road stretchin' out before me
    Em         D*          G   G*
    I want the radio in my ear
    Em                    D*        C   
    I want a full tank of absolution
    C       D  G
    No Fear

Drawings

It was rare that I would pick up my pencil for the longest time. But this last year I have found it in my hand a lot more. Its consuming quite a bit of my time, but I dont mind. Its an escape. Even if Im just doodling not much of anything, it helps get my mind of work, or anything stressful thats happening. I think the main reason, or the inspiration, behind why I started again is probably because of Southern Gothic. SGP, and the friends I have made through SGP, have inspired me on so many different levels. My aunt has also been very encouraging. The only thing she wants for Christmas is a 'coffee table' book with sketches, paintings, photos, in it. So I am really trying my hardest to give her something she will enjoy. It's hard though because I dont see my drawings/paintings/photos as being something good enough to display in a book. But it does have me trying to get some accomplished in a time frame.

Art is a really important part of my life, and Im happy that I am in to it again. Aside from drawing/painting, I picked up my guitar again. Thats been a little bit of a slower relearning process, my fingers have forgotten a lot. For now its short riffs from various songs, and a couple songs I can play along with on the chord progression. But its still fun to be able to pick or strum and make some sort of music again. Nothing makes me happier than art in all its forms. Im so glad that I have found great inspirations, and such inspiring people who share their talents.

One of the drawings I have been working on, it still needs work. But I think Im done for now.

Vancouver Olympics, not just a competition

The olympics have officially come to a close, and for the first time I am not looking at them as just a sporting event the world competes in. It used to seem like just a war without the weapons. But its felt like something completely opposite this time around. Right from the world standing behind the Georgians after the tragic loss of their luger, to the opening ceremonies and the praise on Canada from other countries for what they put on, to when the world poured out their support for Joannie as she skated after the loss of her mother. When the Canadians and US both won in womens bobsledding, Canada's gold and silver stood on the gold platform with the US's bronze medalists. They looked like friends, happy for one anothers accomplishments. Sure we rivaled on the hockey rink, but I think this Olympics is more about the world coming together to show what they can do, rather than compete. When Germany had their upset in bobsledding, I really felt for them, they were good. South Korea was disqualified in the relay, and that is so unfortunate after such a great skate. I am proud to be Canadian, and what our athletes have done is beyond inspiring. At the same time, there is so much greatness from around the globe, whose talents and achievements are just as inspiring. Amazing figure skaters and skiers from Europe that deserve to be seen, awesome snowboarders from the US and Australia deserve the same. And through the Olympics all this amazing talent and greatness can be showcased. We all cheered as one for the world, sure we may have yelled 'Go Canada' or 'Team Usa', but we were cheering for the same end result. While there are wars going on, some of the countries fighting in a war are represented at an event that is so cultural, and prideful, and unifying. With the Olympics we all have one common goal that unites us. The athletes push each other, daring one another to be great. One country has one score or time, and that pushes another to their full potential to reach above that. I wish the world could work together everyday, makes more sense than war against each other, knocking countries down.

The Olympics opened by Canada showing the world what our country has to offer, and what we are proud of. Our culture, our music, our people. It was beautiful, and very well represented. Much of it was on a serious note, and some minor glitches. I think the most amusing thing was the end of the closing ceremonies. Canada mocked itself in front of the world. Turning the opening mishap in to a joke, and bringout dancing mounties, giant beavers, and flying moose. Most people only mock themselves in front of friends, people who understand them, people they are comfortable with. I think after the 17 days of ups and downs, sharing triumphs and achievements, grieving with those who had suffered, the world became closer. And what better way to see our friends off, than a showcase of Canada's stereotypes and moose hats for all! All that was missing was the beer and cigars!

A Million Ways To Run

We are never alone in our hardships, and rough times. Sometimes it feels that way, and the way we may deal with that may not always be the best choice. I think because some of us feel alone in a situation that is why we want to take the easy way out, or the easiest answer to get rid of pain or uncomfortable feelings; run away from all those feelings. At some point we may realize that the way we deal with situations may not be working anymore, and this song is about that turn around and realization that we have to actually be truthful and face our problems. It also shows that we are not alone with our feelings, there are others out there coping in similar ways. I think Terri Clark's A Million Ways To Run really expresses what some people do go through, it's a very honest song, and a very strong song.

In the basement of the church.
I took the last chair in the room
Embarrassed and ashamed,
but that all began to change,
when she stood up and spoke her truth.

She said ” I came here years ago, when I lost my sanity,
I hit an all time-low,
but then I found serenity.
I took shelter hiding from the pain, in any place
to make it go away.

CHORUS
In the arms of a stranger
keeping company with danger,
or staring’ down the barrel of a gun
At the bottom of a bottle,
getting numb with every swallow,
it’s easy, when it’s what you’ve always done,
With a Million Ways to Run

I was the first one out the door
But her words echoed in my head
I took the long way home
but no longer felt alone
Cause I’d lived everything she said
I thought about lost moments of my past
And then I knew, there was no going back…..

To the arms of a stranger
Keeping company with danger
or staring’ down the barrel of a gun
The bottom of a bottle,
Getting numb with every swallow
Cause it’s easy, when it’s what you’ve always done
With a Million Ways to Run

BRIDGE
There’s a freedom I have found
In staying on the ground
Long enough, to chase those demons down….

And I thank God I know I’m Not the only one,
with A Million ways to run…..

The entire album called The Long Way Home, that this song is on, is amazing!

Scream 4??

It's been announce that the Scream franchise is going to go ahead on Scream 4. I am not ashamed to say that I do enjoy all 3 of the films. I think they are actually really well done, albeit cheesy. Which is ok, its meant to be, it is a parody of sorts. Which is probably why I enjoy it. I love horror films, and Scream is right on with the stereotyping of them. The victim always makes the wrong choices, and they even state in the film what not to do when being stalked by a killer, yet they still do it. All three films tie in together with Sidney always being the victim, the one being hunted by ghostface. And all the killers are connected to Sidney and her mother in some way, and are all connected to each other. The third being the killer that actually started it all from the beginning by sending Billy Loomis out on his mission. The trilogy kind of made a circle with that third film bringing it back to the first in that sense. It felt like there was a close to the killers out for Sidney, that man behind the murder's/mask was dead.

Most trilogies I only like 2, or sometimes only the first one. Like I know what you did last summer', the third I did not find all that good. They just seem tired by the time #3 comes around, or the same characters are not used, and they try to revamp it. I am a fan of keeping to the original, which Scream has done. Now they are ready for number 4, 10 years after number 3, and at first I thought actually it may work because Scream follows a pattern and a specific storyline involving her mother. Then I heard that Neve Campbell may not be making her return as Sidney. Ok, here we go with 'Ill always know what you did last summer'. The main cast in the 3rd of that one was no longer but they still called it 'Ill always know'? Who is the killer talking to when the people he was pointing his finger at are not in that one? Shouldn't they have called it 'I also know what you did last summer'? This is what Im seeing with Scream 4 without Neve/Sidney. She was the heroin/victim throughout the franchise. Keeping the same title and changing the storyline all around I think would be confusing and a little too random this far in.

I can, however, see one possibility for a spin off type of movie. In the first two movies Sidney killed her killer, which in turn caused the next killer to come after her. Billy went after her, she killed him, his upset mother went after her, she killed her, so Roman decided to to the deed himself since Billy had failed and went after her, now the difference here is Sidney never actually killed him, Dewey did. So now maybe someone will avenge Roman's death by going after Dewey. At least going in that direction would keep in the flow of the story. If it doesn't it just doesn't seem like it would be Scream.

I'm a fan of both Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson, so I am excited for the next installment, to see how they tie things together. Just really hoping they follow the same storyline somehow like they have with the past 3. Hoping it's not a let down, and that it doesn't seem like they went to far by going with one more.

I love how happy he is

My best friend in the whole entire world got married last month. I am so happy for him, he deserves the greatest! It was a huge thing, and a very emotional thing to be asked to be in his wedding party. A little weird, I think, for some to see a girl up there. But his family understood. At first I felt kind of odd in a suit, but I got used to it. I do look a little strange in the photo of the guys all relaxed with their hands in their pockets, Ill have to admit. But anyway, it was a beautiful day, hot though, the photographer must love her job because photos took probably a good 4 hours. She does amazing work though, beautiful pictures were taken. These are just a couple that make me smile because of how proud and happy I am for him. Oh, and the one that I look like a goon next to the gentlemen, Id probably fit in a little more if I only had pockets!

It's Been A While

My goodness it has been a while since I have blogged on anything. One of the last blogs, aside from the off day, being about the fantastic trip...it has almost been two months since I ventured and met up with the girls in Wilmington. It's crazy, it still feels like it was just last week to me. I miss them dearly! Thanks to the internet the distance can be bridged and we can chat on a regular basis. And that we do. I am still so thankful for them. I do a lot of laughing, and probably look like a nut when Im in stitches at work and no one can figure out why. I look forward to when I can see them again! I am not sure when it will be, but its one day closer! I am saddened that Dani was not far from me and I didnt get the chance to meet up, I happened to be away and was not home in time to make the trek to see her. Love the mountains, but sometimes internet would come in handy out there!

In recent days I have went and saw a couple movies; My Sisters Keeper and Julie & Julia. I am big on seeing the film before the book. I want to be able to take the film as it is and as a standing alone project, and not pick it apart by how the book went, not compare it to anything and enjoy it. Im not a huge reader, so when I do read the book it helps give me the vision of the setting, and who the characters are. If I read the book first, then I will see something totally different, and I find the film awkward and hard to watch. I don't like that idea. I will watch the film again after the book, and do the comparing the second time around.

I was told that if I didnt cry during My Sisters Keeper that I had a heart covered in ice. I am not a cryer in movies, most of the time, so I was quite pleased when I did shed a few tears to know that I am not an ice queen. It was a really good movie, terribly sad though. Cameron Diaz did a great job! Now I have started reading the book and I am slightly confused. Im finding it quite choppy, jumping from each characters point of view. But I am going to stick it out, I have heard the ending to the film was different so I do want to see what has been changed. But Im glad I saw the movie first.

Last night I went and seen Julie & Julia. As much as I love Meryl Streep, I wasnt overly enthused on going to see this. Happy I did though, Meryl Streep is amazing! Every word she spoke I laughed, she did Julia Child amazingly!! The intermingling of the two true stories was beautifully done, well thought out. It was a little lengthy, usually I dont mind I think I was just tired. Amy Adams is also quite splendid. Quite dramatic in a humorous sort of way. My friends were quite upset with the ending, but personally I dont think you can be upset with an ending of a 'based on a true story' film. The writer doesn't choose the ending, no one chose the ending. I think you can sympathize, or empathize with the character in the end. A lot of us are touched or inspired by someone we have never met and their story, or music, or portrayal of a character close to us. We have this idea in our heads of who that person is, and we look up to them, think highly of them, and are grateful for the things they have done for us. Sometimes that idea should just remain that idea and not make the person a reality in our world. Once we do we could become disappointed in who they really are, or what they think of us doing something that they inspired us to do. I've been lucky in that I met one of my biggest inspirations and she was just as cool in person as she is on stage and in interviews. I hope that those who get the chance to thank the people they look up to get the same response, and not the one that Julie Powell did. But if they do end up in a situation like she did, that they handle it like she did, and saw Julia Child only for what she has done for her, and was still thankful to her for that. I think this story is great, or both these stories are great; that of Julie, and of Julia.

On the note of inspiration, Terri Clark's new album is about to be released in a few weeks! Really excited. They have been releasing clips each week from the songs on it. They are great! Check them out here. It has a similar feel to the Fearless album (which I love!). They are very real, and Terri has put aspects of her own life in the songs she has written. She took a brave leap in some of them. She took a brave leap in leaving her record label a while back too, she's taking control and it is awesome to see an album with so much of her writing on it. Also on the Terri topic, she has released a live album called Road Rage, which Im super excited to listen to! She is quite awesome live.

Tonight looks as though I may be off to see The Ugly Truth. Maybe this will be a week at the movies...Transformers tomorrow? Orphan? Harry Potter? hmm...

Just one of those days

It's been one of those days, typical monday; clutsy monday! It all started first thing this am, the clock hit 12:00am and it was now monday morning. To start my day I ran in to a post in my basement that braces the ceiling, it's been there for the last damn near 25 years ive lived in the house, but this morning I seemed to forget that it was there. This was after I woke up late for work and tripped over a stool in my room. Found out someone keyed the door on my Nitro (duck asses!). Got to work, pinched myself hanging up a part, not sure how I managed that one. Then I went to staple a receipt to an invoice and stapled the air, I completely forgot to put the papers in the staple, they were in my other hand. I think I have dropped everything that I have attempted to pick up. This afternoon I saw an awning ripped off a trailer and flapping in the wind, so I thought I should run out there and get a picture for warranty purposes. I went swiftly, but not swiftly enough, when I got there the instant downpour hit and soaked me from head to toe in probably 30 seconds...as I ran back I saw my dad laughing at me from the window. He asked what I was doing, and I told him...he proceeded to tell me that my shop foreman had noticed that rip months ago and the part was on order, so I really didnt need to go out there. We were out of styrofoam coffee cups up front, so I headed back to the fridge in the coffee room to find some, funny thing, there was no new styrofoam cups in the fridge. A funnel cloud touched down north of our shop, which is perfect because as much as I love storms, I am terrified of tornados. Now three hours after the crazy clouds have calmed our tractor driver has just come in to inform us that the temperature has dropped and it is now trying to snow-which I dont think it will but the thought of it is still unsettling. Ahh what a lovely day!

But really, most days like this would have irratated the shit out of me and I would have morphed in to oscar the grouch by the time I stubbed my toe, but for some strange reason I carry a smile on my face. I don't really understand why, alls I know is I enjoys it!

No words could truly capture

Once upon a time, in a land far away (for some) 8 girls gathered in a condo above the streets of downtown Wilmington. Not sure what to expect some prepared themselves with nerve calming potions. These potions caught on, and were well received and had by all, well almost all, throughout the week. The entire adventure was a magical experience, these 8 girls got along, enjoyed each others company, had a ball, and formed a bond.

I have been anticipating this trip for a couple months, but had no idea what to expect. All I know is I wasn’t expecting to leave having made some of the greatest friends. Kim, Megan, Becca, Andrea, Lauren, Dani, and Liz are the funniest, sweetest, craziest girls, and I had a blast with all of them! I am so lucky to have had this opportunity! One that I will never forget. There's a great collection of videos and photos taken by all that showcase a large part of this excellent adventure, there's just not a lot of words that can describe the experiance, and what it meant.

I met Kim and Liz Monday night before the rest of the gang arrived. I didn't think I was nervous, but I still didn't know what to expect. But at one point the waitress asked how we were and both Kim and I said nothing but gave her a thumbs up. We had a chuckle and that moment made me feel pretty comfortable with this gathering. We were able to joke about Canada/US differences right off the bat too, which was cool, we straightened out our north’s and south’s.

Tuesday began with the meeting of Megan, Andrea, Liz and myself. We checked out the condo, and went for some lunch at Cafe Phoenix. Again, we could laugh together right away. Jokes made about accents, which was kind of a reoccurring theme when you have 8 different ones. A little while later Becca and Dani arrived, I met them to help them with luggage, I didn't even ask where they were parked, thought of that after, I could have been meandering all over downtown. But, I found them, and by now I was so comfortable with the girls I met already, I knew this would be just like meeting an old friend, or so I was hoping, and it was. It was a 'hey, how are you? Need some help with that bag?’
After getting acquainted with everyone and did some dancing in the condo, got a little violent with some chocolate syrup, and did some cheersing, we took our first night together to Paddy's Hollow for some dinner, and some close calls with some sharp cutlery, also saw some magical beverage shooting, kudos to Kim. Violence became quite common. Then it was off to the Whiskey to see Bibis, which I thought was the perfect ice breaker for all of us. We cheered, probably loudly, and she realized the group that came, we proceeded to cheer louder, and she replied with 'Welcome to Wilmington bitches!'. Much wooing was had by Kim and myself, Megan and Andrea enjoyed some dancing. Many of us and other whiskey attenders enjoyed their dancing as well. Bibis was amazing, or I would say phenomenal but it was so much more. *shakes head at herself* By the end we were all shoulder to shoulder swaying together to Hallelujah. It was beautiful, it was like being at church according to Lauren. After Bibis it was time for a late snack, so Taco Bell it was! I ordered Megan a ‘double decker condo’, and lost one of Kim's twisty things (found it the next day, phewsh, I was worried about that).

Wednesday we went separate ways for a bit. Becca and I had a frustrating argument with the sofa bed, and after quite the struggle we were able to defeat it. We all met up at the Reel Cafe for lunch with a pedestrian. We enjoyed our first recap of night one, some lunch, and some water. We also got to check out the rooftop bar there, which was super cool, pretty view. Things were starting to get pretty toasty, so Lauren navigated us to our first trip to the beach, which was beautiful. Good laughs had again, some seagull chasing attempts were made here, a tumble, some squid/jelly fish poking (no one could quite figure out what it was), and some wonderful photographs were taken. Great time!!
Supper was had at the condo that night. Andrea made some lovely spaghetti! We enjoyed a great game of beer pong, had even more laughs as ping pongs were winged through the air, minor injuries occurred but all in good fun! Bon qui qui was quoted a lot, personally I think Lauren does a dead on impression! We also enjoyed a good game of waterfall. Becca I think was a little tipsy off her water. Megan also found some new words for the dictionary, and color wheel. She came up with the color suave’…. which we then had a conversation trying to figure out what color it would actually be. Another round was rhyming, and the word to by rhymed with was ‘tuba’, granted not a whole lot comes to mind…. but what is maruba?? All I know is that it made us break out in song, ‘Aruba, Jamaica, oh I wanna take ya to Bermuda, Bahamas…’ We quite often broke in to song. I loved it! I really enjoyed Becca’s rendition of ‘I went to the river to pray’ from Oh Brother Where Art Thou! We then decided to move our party outside of the condo, so we hit the streets of downtown and made our way to the Copper Penny to hang out, watch some baseball. We also made a stop back at the Reel Café. We turned in a little earlier that night (which really wasn’t all that early).

Thursday was another great day! A few went their separate ways again for a short time. Becca, Dani, Liz and I took a drive and saw some sites. I got out to snap a shot of an old house, a bee swarmed me and I jumped and flailed, and woo'd. When I returned the ladies in the car found it quite amusing how excited I was to see this house, they thought I was wooing and jumping up and down with excitement, I had to reassure them that the excitement was only that of being frightened by a bee.
We picked up Kim and Lauren for some more outings. 6 people in the car was quite cozy and quite hilarious. Really glad I was introduced to Chick-fil-a! Their milkshakes are great, and who doesn’t love an all chicken restaurant? Also very tricky to eat your chick-fil-a when packed in. Lauren had to 'dunk' (as she put it) when the cop drove by, got to be careful, don't want no tickets. We met KT at Screen Gem Studios for a tour of some of the OTH sets, and the new stage. It was amazing! Learned a lot, and saw a lot. Huge thanks to Kt for showing us around!! I also got pretty excited about a boat that was set outside, Becca found this quite amusing. We also made another stop down at the beach took a walk out on the pier, enjoyed a woman’s first shark catching experience. For dinner we met up with Kt at Caffé Phoenix. This was an amazing experience. Being able to chat with Kt and the others over a wonderful meal. I also had the opportunity to give him the message in a bottle with everyone’s letters, creativity and support from all over the world. It was so great to be able to see his reaction to all that. I am so grateful that these 7 girls got to experience that with me. After dinner was going to be a little more relaxing evening. This was the night we brought to life The Facts Of Life. The whole thing was hilarious! The outtakes were awesome. All our videos are quite random and so incredibly funny. Later on we headed back to the beach to check out some late night filming. This was really interesting. I quite enjoyed watching the process of it…out of the corner of my eye because we were told to ‘act natural’ while watching. Everyone started to get pretty tired so we made our way back to the condo. However Lauren, Becca, and myself weren’t really feeling like Mr. Sandman was headed our way anytime soon, so we stayed up giggling, and were in stitches at some points, Lauren’s sides were starting to ache. Pretty sure a lot of the laughter stemmed from a certain photo with a certain hairdo. We had an urge to head down to the river walk to watch the sun rise, Becca was so excited, but we changed our minds, poor girl was so disappointed. However, it’s a good thing we never went, little did we know that at 5:30am the sun rises in the east, not the west. So we totally would have missed it.

Friday was a full day for us. And I’m really glad it was, kept my mind from thinking about Saturday’s departure. We took a lovely walk through Airlie Garden’s. I was so confused why the tree’s there were hairy, but apparently it’s ‘spanish moss’. At one point I was pretty sure I saw a cat, but it was just more of the moss. We cooled off at the fountain; I was a little worried Andrea was going to take another fall inside there. But luckily she came out dry. We also came upon a huge flock of Canadian Geese, which was cool since I told Becca I would bring one, so boy did I deliver! Felt bad however by the mess they left, and that Liz had to come across it the way she did. After the garden’s we headed over to the Bellamy mansion, beautiful 140 year old home with incredible history. The return to the beach was next with our SoGoPro tshirts. Lovely photos were taken of us in them, and a fantastic video of us (not quite all of us) running in to the water was shot! The video turned out quite hilarious, Andrea biffed it before the water, Kim got to witness it first hand, which was funny to watch. We swam for a while, got beat up by a few waves, and buried Andrea in the sand. Our last night (sad face) found us making a vlog about our trip. It’s quite random, and there’s much laughing, but it really showcased our trip I think. The best part was probably Dani’s comment about the trip, ‘I think I am the only sane person here’. She was dead on. When the video was finished we made our way up one floor to Level 5. It is an awesome rooftop bar. We kind of ended it with the party we started it with; it was perfect. We hung out, did some dancing, enjoyed some music, and headed for pizza. That night 4 girls shared one futon and I took the floor with a fitted sheet, how do you sleep in a fitted sheet? 'Fitted' was Becca's answer. Megan turned on the camera when we returned and captured our last evening moment together, right up until we fell asleep-she forgot the camera was rolling, we all did. Becca tried to say goodbye that night so she wouldn’t have to wake us in the morning. That was not happening! I needed a moment that night, got a little teary eyed early on.

Saturday was an extremely sad day. The trip was coming to a close, this dream of a vacation was ending. The goodbye’s were hard, starting with Dani and Becca’s. We corrupted poor Becca all week, but she is so awesome, she gave us the perfect farewell with a ‘bye bitches’. Then it was Liz’s goodbye, I thought for a moment that the goodbye’s might get easier, gee was I wrong. Kim, Andrea, and Lauren came to the airport to bid Megan and I farewell. Thank goodness for sunglasses, there were a lot of tears hidden behind them. Megan got on my flight so we didn’t have to leave as early. So Megan called Kim to pick us up. At first it was funny, like thanks for letting me see the airport, now where we to? But then I realized we would have to do the goodbye scene all over again. So we got to spend a little more time together at Kim’s, watch some old school 90210, and enjoyed Andrea’s video some more. The flight was delayed, this should have just been the sign we were to stay, it wasn’t the first. We realized if this flight is delayed and our next one is on time we miss it, but the other one was delayed. So we were safe there, but that means I may not be safe on making it the one after that. We went to board, and Delta messed up and put Megan on a separate plane, she tried to threaten me before with ‘i will cut you’ to make me get on the plane, I’m glad I didn’t listen or I wouldn’t have gotten to say goodbye, even though it was really quick. Things got even sadder here because that was really the end. I sat down, turned on my ipod for comfort music, hit shuffle, and what song came on? Hallelujah, oh lordy, how perfect, but sunglasses had to remain on. I whispered woosah and settled in for my flight home.

The friendships, the memories, the laughs will go on. But it was so emotional because we had become so close over that one week, it’s an incredible thing, something that is hard to find the words for. I don’t even know if there are words to describe it, to portray the feeling from the experience, or what it has meant to me. I have never stepped outside, and ventured, and explored as much as I did last week. Southern Gothic has created a wonderful community, it is full of inspiration, and heart, and determination, and has already done so much for me; and now has brought me to these amazing people that I cherish and that I am forever thankful for. I am so grateful to SGP for this. I already miss them, and the fun craziness, and the laughter. I will see them again, hopefully sooner than later, but until then I will talk to these friends as often as I can, and anticipate that day.

Distractions are helpful

This probably has been the toughest few weeks I have ever had to go through. I have been lucky to have not lost many people I care about. I lost my grandfather at 13, and my best friend when I was 10. Loss is different as you go through life and get older, and you handle it different every time. Almost three weeks ago we had to do one of the hardest things Ive had to make a decision on. We had to put my dog to rest. We knew the time was coming, she was almost 14, and as happy, and as healthy as she made herself out to be, something wasn't right. She had trouble breathing the last little while. When we took her in that day, it had gotten worse just over night. They figured it was lung cancer. They said they could give her pills that would help, but not perfectly and for who knows how long. We did what was best for her, I couldn't see her suffer. I didnt think losing a pet could be this difficult. I miss her like crazy! She was the bestfriend a girl could ask for. But while it is still incredibly hard, Im thankful for the things that have been happening to keep my mind going. Work has been surprisingly helpful keeping me busy at this time of year. Friends have constantly been there, trying to keep me occupied, one is taking me to a concert this coming week for a little stress release. Tonight I went to see Chantal Kreviazuk, who is incredible!! And music really does help me through each day, the power of it is amazing. My upcoming trip has me so excited that I can't help but be glad thinking about it, helps when I start to feel sad again. I just think that Im getting away from here for a bit, and going to a place that is going to be happy, and fun, and filled with incredible people. SGP and the chat is such a great place to be; amazing people. My family has been awesome, its been hard on them, somedays I think its harder on them than me, but we are all going through it together. They continue to talk about her in good light, and talk about the funny things she did. She had such a fun personality, she would greet me everyday with a smile-literally, some thought she was showing her teeth in a mean way, but there were no growls about it, it was a full grin. I also keep hoping that if I continue to talk about her myself that it will get easier. For a little bit it felt that the days got more difficult. I guess the times like right now, where its quiet, and late, and no one around, is when I miss her most, I cant just go out to her bed and say hello, sit with her, or share a bowl of popcorn. But it will get easier, the happiness around me will continue to uplift my spirits, and the happy memories I have with my dog will continue to warm my heart. Im really thankful for everything and everyone around me, I think I would be lost without all this.

A story: Accent or No accent

I was a little nervous making this, its my first vlog. And I apologize for the words not matching the video, not really sure how to correct that yet.

So here is me reading the story, that MM and Vicki created, as a Southern Albertan, or Western Canadian, which really has no accent.

More Messages in a bottle...

...or possibly treasure chest. Everyone loves a treasure chest! Or maybe it's just the treasure that's appealing. I have been receiving more messages from across the globe, which is wonderful! I know we have some new friends in SGP, and would like to let them know what is going on if they would like to join. Everyone is sending in messages of thanks or encouragement or what SGP and the team have done for you and mean to you, poems, drawings, photos, quotes, by post or email. I am putting them in, what was going to be a bottle, and sending them to SGP. It was going to be like a message(s) in a bottle that has been all over the world, and makes its way to Wilmington. However, I dont think all the messages and such that I am receiving are going to fit in a bottle, so I think I shall figure out a chest of somesort, still the same idea however. I'd like to have it prepared for shipment by around June 8th-ish. Over seas shipping has been fairly quick, which is great. If you would like to join in on the messages please let me know so I know to keep a look out, I want to make sure all are in before sending. You can let me know here, or my email jaclyne.selvig@gmail.com . If you are emailing anything for the bottle/chest you can send it to that same email.

For postal my address is

Jaclyne Selvig
1501 15th Avenue South
Lethbridge, Alberta T1K-0W6
Canada

Thanks guys! This is going awesome :)

Ghost of my former self

Ghosts interest me, but not when they are of my former self. That is the only time I am afraid of them. I think I would rather have a poltergeist rummaging around my kitchen. My own ghost has followed me around for the past 4 years, or maybe even more. Haunting me, telling me what I used to be capable of. She walked behind me in a baseball uniform, with a pencil behind her ear, charcoal on her fingers gripping a novel, and a guitar slung over her back. She threw quick witted comments in my ear. I began to ignore her, put up a wall so I could not hear about what I had left behind. Things that I did that were important to me; music, art, sports, school. I still enjoyed music, and art, but it wasn't quite the same. Somehow as I moved forward in life, she remained behind. I didn't read, I didn't finish my college program, I felt like I forgot how to draw, I slowly forgot how to play the guitar, and baseball was no longer a game I played. It's scary for me to think that I left that, and tried not to think about it. I started a different college program 3 years ago, which was something that I was not really interested in, but my job wanted me to do it so I went. But in this last year I had the urge that I really did want to finish it, I didn't want to quit like I had before. I think that's when things started coming back in to place again. She returned. She banged on the wall I put up, wanting me to let her in. I was still hesitant. What if she taunted and I still couldn't do it. Things have inspired me in the last little while that allowed me to let her knock that wall down. The excitement that I was nearing the end of my apprenticeship, that I was going to complete it. A greatness I came upon that showed me that things are possible, to believe, that there are others out there setting out and getting what they want accomplished. I've been reminded of the power of words. I listen to music more intently. I see the beauty in the arts more clearly again. I've put my cleats back on my feet and I'm ready to run. Not sure where I am running to, but I can do this now. Have you ever seen Ghost Whisperer? When Jim dies and his ghost hops in to another man's body. This ghost is always there trying to remind him of who he is, but the body and mind of Sam creates a barrier. He feels like some things are familiar but not sure why, he battles with himself to figure out who he is. And then one day it just all comes in to focus, the ghost of Jim is who he really is, he is now the Jim he was before (aside from the new body of course). This is sort of how I have felt, and now that I am getting all that back, I don't have to fight a barrier, the ghost no longer can follow me. We are getting reaquainted. I'm no longer afraid to have her sneaking behind me, so it is safe to venture. That is exactly what I am going to do! I am going to go, see, do, listen, and have a blast! Don't think I'll wear my cleats however, they aren't as comfy as they used to be!

Struttin' and Singin'

I'm walking along, singing, beboppin' away, doin my strut, what's being played on my 'pod to make me do this? It could almost be anything! There's a long list that makes me just want to pick up the beat and lay it down on the sidewalk, possibly dance along the streets, shout out the lyrics!

Pain to Kill, I Wanna Do It All, Getting There, In My Next Life-Terri Clark
I love Rock & Roll, Hit Me With Your Best Shot-Pat Benatar
Bitch-Meredith Brooks
Hella Good, Spiderwebs, Excuse Me Mr-No Doubt
Walk Like An Egyptian, Manic Monday-The Bangles
Cat Scratch Fever-Ted Nugent
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing-Jack Johnson
These Boots Are Made For Walking-Nancy Sinatra
Walking After Midnight-Patsy Cline, (also Terri Clark's rendition)
Red High Heels-Kellie Pickler
I'm Outta Here-Shania Twain
The More Boys I Meet-Carrie Underwood
Sugar, Sugar-The Archies
9 to 5-Dolly Parton
Me and Bobby Mcgee-Janis Joplin (also Dolly Parton and Loretta Lynn)
Black Betty-Ram Jam
Mammia Mia, Take A Chance On Me-Abba
One Way Ticket-Leanne Rimes
Alberta Bound-Paul Brandt
Shout-The Isley Brothers
Walk Away, Miss Independant-Kelly Clarkson
Girls Night Out-The Judds
Halo-Bethany Joy Galeotti
Head Over Feet, Ironic, You Oughta Know-Alanis Morissette
Wonderwall-Oasis
Buddy Holly-Weezer
There's Your Trouble, Ready To Run, Taking The Long Way-Dixie Chicks
My Girl-Wolfman Jack
Heaven On Earth-Belinda Carlisle
Fancy-Reba
And of course I must add the Spice Girls. Most of their songs join me on my happy stride. Never Give Up On The Good Times, Stop, Wannabe, Do It, Move Over...

Oh there are probably plenty more! Maybe Ill need a side B, or playlist 2, or a to be continued...

A Girls Night Out with Holly Woods & Toronto

Last night was one of those nights that really will stand out. I stopped by a local pub to have dinner with my parents and fellow car club members who were there waiting to see a band; Toronto. I am always up for music, even music from the 80's. I wasn't planning on staying long, but once Holly Woods stood up to the mic, there was no leaving. Her voice reached every level of awesome. She could wail! That high pitch that could shatter glass, but still sounded unbelievable. She was funny, sweet, and could still rock after a hip replacement! Her sound is like Pat Benatar meets Heart, with a hint of Cyndie Lauper. Actually, her band disbanded in the mid 80's and she was excited and moved on with her solo career moving to Atlanta. One song of theirs had never been released anywhere; 'What about love?'. Holly said she was pulling out of her driveway one day and it came on the radio, she was amazed thinking it was Toronto! That was until it got to the chorus and realized it wasn't her, it was Heart. 'Oh my god, they stole my fucking song' is what she said. But she laughed about it, and told us she was happy and has spoken with the Wilson sisters and is proud. [I came home and read about her, and Wiki also compares her to P.Benatar and Heart.] The guitar player she had with her was the lead singer of Prism, Al Harlow, also a funny man. A friend of mine is really close with Prism, so he came and sat and chatted for a bit which was super cool. Her bass player Lisa Rae Simons was also incredible, not only on the bass but vocally as well. The keyboard player and drummer have been in the industry for years as well. One was with the band Zingo, which his fellow member moved on from to work with Bryan Adams. The talent and music history between all these musicians is incredible. I was in awe!

After a bit I went over and sat with Holly and L.Rae, got my picture taken, and chatted for a bit. Holly talked about how she came to be both from the US, and spent most of her growing years in Canada. She said she was from Durham, North Carolina, and that sparked even more in me. Being that I would really love to get there, not just to see, but UNCW is really where I want to be to start a film career. L.Rae said if there was anything I wanted to know about NC that I should sit and chat it up with Holly. I think we could have sat there all night, but they were getting ready to pack up.

Al on the guitar reminded me of how much I love that instrument, and how much I miss playing it. When he started playing a solo, I could focus only on the guitar, like it called to me, and nothing else was on stage. There wasnt even a stage, just music coming from the strings and his fingers. It makes me really want to pick up my Fender again.

They said it was great to see someone younger at one of their shows, my mom said that sometimes I still like to hang out with my parents, I told them that I just really enjoy good music. Thinking about NC and music and inspiration brings me to SGP. A lot of things that inspire me really came together last night in a round-about way. I am in full support of anyone, and anything that can reach to me, lift me, and inspire me. I purchased 3 cd's, two of which will probably never get played as they were signed, I just wanted to show them my appreciation. With SGP I did this with ordering a t-shirt. I just want to help these people, give them support, in any way, as they do so much for me! Its the next morning and Im still excited and feeling the vibe!

It should now be called Great Friday!

The secret from yesterday was revealed. I woke up, logged on, and there it was!! Truly is a Good Friday! How awesome are the t-shirts! They look amazing, cant wait for mine to arrive! Hopefully it fits! YAY! Im so excited that we can actually physically support Southern Gothic, and help get camera's rolling for Pedestrian by purchasing one!
Also, the pictures Conrad, Hil's brother, took are fantabulous! Beautiful photographs!

Also, the message in a bottle, Im hoping for the end of april, beginning of may to get it sent. There are some new people in the crew, so Im putting this out to them too if they would like to join in and send something to put in the bottle for SGP.
For email messages/scanned messages- jaclyne.selvig@gmail.com
For handwritten:
Jaclyne Selvig
1501 15th Avenue South
Lethbridge Alberta
T1K-0W6
Canada