Ghost of my former self

Ghosts interest me, but not when they are of my former self. That is the only time I am afraid of them. I think I would rather have a poltergeist rummaging around my kitchen. My own ghost has followed me around for the past 4 years, or maybe even more. Haunting me, telling me what I used to be capable of. She walked behind me in a baseball uniform, with a pencil behind her ear, charcoal on her fingers gripping a novel, and a guitar slung over her back. She threw quick witted comments in my ear. I began to ignore her, put up a wall so I could not hear about what I had left behind. Things that I did that were important to me; music, art, sports, school. I still enjoyed music, and art, but it wasn't quite the same. Somehow as I moved forward in life, she remained behind. I didn't read, I didn't finish my college program, I felt like I forgot how to draw, I slowly forgot how to play the guitar, and baseball was no longer a game I played. It's scary for me to think that I left that, and tried not to think about it. I started a different college program 3 years ago, which was something that I was not really interested in, but my job wanted me to do it so I went. But in this last year I had the urge that I really did want to finish it, I didn't want to quit like I had before. I think that's when things started coming back in to place again. She returned. She banged on the wall I put up, wanting me to let her in. I was still hesitant. What if she taunted and I still couldn't do it. Things have inspired me in the last little while that allowed me to let her knock that wall down. The excitement that I was nearing the end of my apprenticeship, that I was going to complete it. A greatness I came upon that showed me that things are possible, to believe, that there are others out there setting out and getting what they want accomplished. I've been reminded of the power of words. I listen to music more intently. I see the beauty in the arts more clearly again. I've put my cleats back on my feet and I'm ready to run. Not sure where I am running to, but I can do this now. Have you ever seen Ghost Whisperer? When Jim dies and his ghost hops in to another man's body. This ghost is always there trying to remind him of who he is, but the body and mind of Sam creates a barrier. He feels like some things are familiar but not sure why, he battles with himself to figure out who he is. And then one day it just all comes in to focus, the ghost of Jim is who he really is, he is now the Jim he was before (aside from the new body of course). This is sort of how I have felt, and now that I am getting all that back, I don't have to fight a barrier, the ghost no longer can follow me. We are getting reaquainted. I'm no longer afraid to have her sneaking behind me, so it is safe to venture. That is exactly what I am going to do! I am going to go, see, do, listen, and have a blast! Don't think I'll wear my cleats however, they aren't as comfy as they used to be!